When a parent dies, the to-do list arrives before the grief does.

One of the first things many families face is writing an obituary — often within 24 to 48 hours, while still in shock, for a newspaper or funeral home that needs it by end of day.

If that's where you are right now, this guide will walk you through it. Step by step. No writing experience required.

This guide is for general educational purposes. Obituary requirements vary by publication — always confirm specifics with your funeral home or newspaper directly.

Obituary vs. Eulogy — What's the Difference?

These two are often confused, and it matters to know the difference early.

An obituary is a short, factual notice — typically published in a newspaper or online — that announces the death and shares key details about a person's life. It's usually 150 to 400 words.

A eulogy is a personal tribute delivered at the funeral or memorial service. It's longer, more emotional, and told in your own voice.

You may need to write both. This guide covers the obituary. They serve different purposes, and both matter.

What to Gather Before You Write

Before you sit down to write, pull together the following. Having this information on hand makes the process much faster.

• Full legal name (and any nicknames or maiden names)
• Date and place of birth
• Date and place of death
• City of residence at time of death
• Surviving family members (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings) — and their names if you want to include them
• Predeceased family members (parents, siblings, spouses who died before them)
• Career, military service, or major life roles
• Faith community or religious affiliation (if relevant)
• Passions, hobbies, or things they were known for
• Funeral or memorial service details (date, time, location — or "private" if applicable)
• Whether you're requesting donations in lieu of flowers, and to which organization

If you're still in the early hours after loss and haven't organized these details yet, our free First 48 Hours Checklist can help you work through everything in order.

The Basic Structure of an Obituary

Most obituaries follow the same shape, even when the words are completely different. Here's the structure to follow:

1. The Opening Line

State the death simply and with dignity. Include full name, age, and location.

Example: "Margaret Eleanor Briggs, 78, of Portland, Oregon, passed away peacefully on May 2, 2026, surrounded by her family."

2. A Line About Who They Were

One or two sentences that capture the essence of the person — not just their resume, but who they were.

Example: "Born and raised in rural Vermont, Margaret was a woman of deep faith, a gifted gardener, and a grandmother who made everyone feel like her favourite."

3. Life Details

Birth information, education, career, military service, long-term community involvement. Keep it factual and concise.

4. Family

List surviving family members, typically in this order: spouse, children (and their spouses), grandchildren, siblings. Then note anyone who predeceased them.

Example: "She is survived by her husband of 52 years, Robert; her children James (Laura) and Susan (David); and four grandchildren. She was predeceased by her parents and her brother Thomas."

5. Service Information

Include the date, time, and location of the funeral or memorial service. If services are private, simply say so. If there's a reception or graveside service, include that too.

6. Closing — Optional but Meaningful

Some obituaries end with a brief, personal line. A favourite saying. A line from a poem or scripture. A simple sentence that sounds like the family.

Example: "The family asks that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Portland Humane Society, where Margaret volunteered for over twenty years."

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

Check the word limit. Most newspapers charge by the word or line. Ask your funeral home or the publication for their format requirements and pricing before you start writing.

You don't have to include everything. Obituaries are not résumés. A few meaningful details land better than an exhaustive list.

Let it sound like your family. It's okay to be warm, even gently funny, if that's who your parent was. The best obituaries feel like the person they're describing.

Have someone else read it before you submit. A second set of eyes catches spelling errors, missing names, and details that may need clarification. Corrections after publication can be costly and stressful.

Online obituaries can be longer. If you're posting to a funeral home website or a platform like Legacy.com, you typically have more space. Use it if you want to.

A Simple Template to Start From

If you're staring at a blank page, start here and fill in the details:

[Full Name], [age], of [City, State], passed away on [date] at [location, optional]. [He/She/They] was [one meaningful sentence about who they were].

[Name] was born on [date] in [place] to [parents' names]. [Brief career or life highlights in 1-2 sentences.]

[He/She/They] is survived by [list family]. [He/She/They] was predeceased by [list if applicable].

A [funeral/memorial service] will be held on [date] at [time] at [location]. [Optional: In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [organization].]

What Comes After the Obituary

The obituary is one of the first things people see. The eulogy is what they'll remember.

If you've been asked to speak at the service and aren't sure where to start, TreulogyAI guides you through a series of warm questions about the person you've lost — and turns your answers into a tribute that sounds like you. It was built for exactly this moment.

And if you're navigating everything else that comes with losing a parent — the practical, the emotional, the overwhelming — our free First 48 Hours Checklist is a calm place to start.

You don't have to figure this out alone.